Friday, September 09, 2005

We Stink

I went out to lunch with my friend D last week and told her how much I’d love to go to Chipotle, but that I’d been forbidden to eat there after the last time I did and then gassed my husband for the following 12 hours.

She laughed and then said, “You sure do talk about flatulence a lot.”

I said, “My house is ALL ABOUT flatulence. Isn’t yours?”

She then revealed that, unless under dire circumstances, she and her husband of two years do not fart in front of each other! When the occasional toot slips out, they joke about the “barking spider,” but that’s it. Either they eat a low-fiber diet, or they can withstand the pain of pent up gas jabbing at their insides much better than I can. She went on to tell me that they did not even pee in front of each other. I was astounded.

While Mike and I don’t sit on each other and fart (as D said her parents did to her), we usually just let them rip when the pressure builds up. We fart in the car, in the theater, while watching TV, sometimes even at dinner. We do have some courtesy. In bed, we warn the other to “batten down the hatches” before releasing gas. In the car, the offender rolls down a window. Recognizing that gas (and elimination in general) isn’t sexy, we hold them in when we do the horizontal mambo.

As for peeing, I don’t give it a second thought. I’ll pee in front of Mike, my friends, my family. In fact, I’ve rarely even seen the back side of our bathroom door. We usually leave it wide open, along with the window. We do close the door if we go #2 - we aren’t completely uncivilized!

Or are we? Of the two or so people who read my sporadically updated blog, how discreet are you about bodily functions? Are Mike and I Neanderthals?


At 12:21 AM, Blogger OldRoses said...

OMG! I live alone and I close the bathroom door. I can't even pee in the ladies room at work if someone else is in there too.

At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Tracy said...

I stumbled across this blog from your gardening blog and just had to reply.

My fiance and I are almost the same as you two. We always leave the door open when we go to the bathroom. In fact, I think we hold some of our best conversations when we're in the bathroom getting ready for bed. He'll be on the toilet talking to me while I'm brushing my teeth or washing my face.

I can't imagine living with someone or marrying someone and not being completely comfortable with each other.

Of course we close the door when necessity calls for it. But we're not shy either.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Leah said...

I'm with you on that "not recognizing the back of the bathroom door" thing. Have you ever seen "Fools Rush In" with Selma (or is it Salma?) Hayek and Matthew Perry? There's a great scene in there where they're talking in the bathroom, and he tries to leave when she sits down to pee. Like, "What in the world are you doing?!" Haha - that gets me every time.


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