Like, You've Got Toothpaste Spooge Around Your Mouth

I don’t make regular New Year’s resolutions. The only one I recall making is also the only one I ever kept: to wash my delicates in a lingerie bag instead of subjecting them, unprotected, to the perils of the agitator and zippers. It’s a bit trivial of a resolution, but I can say that my underwear last much longer than they used to.

This year, I carefully considered resolutions for 2006. It took me the first 19 days of the year, but I’ve got four that I think I can live with:

1. Be more free with compliments. I tend to stare at someone’s new haircut/cute scarf/lovely brooch with silent envy. Instead, I will say something nice (and possibly find out where I can find one for myself!)

2. Tell people when they have something caught in their teeth/a booger hanging out of their nose/an open fly/etc. Again, I tend to stare instead of verbalize. This time, though, it isn’t jealousy. Instead, I stare at the offending item or condition until I am hypnotized beyond speech. I silently wonder how they could have left the house with their shirt buttoned all cock-eyed and stop paying any attention to the conversation. This year, I am going to jerk my eyes away, snap back to reality, and tell the person!

3. Make the bed on the weekends. I give up on the weekdays because there is a man in beneath the covers when I leave for work.

4. Eliminate “like” from my vocabulary, other than its use in a simile. I currently use it as a substitute for “said” (as in: “he was like ‘What are you staring at?’ and I was like ‘The toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe.’”) and as a valley-girl style filler word.

What are your (belated or not) resolutions for the New Year?